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aggie
Tribes Geek
439 Posts |
 Posted - 10/31/2003 : 23:53:40
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OSHA has released the following Halloween safety guidelines
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if
it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon-summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they
should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in
the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them,
so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's
voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on or above a grave, tomb or crypt. This would apply to
any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out
it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short
circuits; just get out!
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason
for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know
what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
least twice. Also note that, despite the fact you are running and the
monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch
up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior
such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness
and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographic locations, some of which are listed
here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if
you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the
nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think it is strange
because you thought you had half a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are
going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. If you find your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to
move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses which had previous
inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had
inhabitants who performed satanic practices.
18. When trying to escape from a serial killer, never run UPstairs.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN !!!
"I was successful because you believed in me"
U.S. Grant to A. Lincoln |
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OSHA has released the following Halloween safety
